What to Say to Someone Who Is Giving Up: Real Words That Actually Help

If you’ve ever watched a friend or loved one hit rock bottom, you know it’s awkward. You want to say the perfect thing, but your mind freezes. Or worse, you blurt out something you heard in a cheesy movie and instantly regret it. Here’s the thing—what you say in those moments really does matter.

Most people don’t want a long speech or inspirational pep talk when they’re ready to throw in the towel. They want something real—something that doesn’t sound like you copied it from a cat poster. Science actually backs this up. According to studies at the Greater Good Science Center, genuine empathy (not empty positivity) is what makes people feel truly supported. So, forget “just cheer up” and focus on connection.

The goal isn’t to fix their life in one conversation. It’s about letting them know they aren’t alone and you aren’t judging them. A simple, "I’m here—you don’t have to go through this by yourself" can hit way harder than any motivational quote off Instagram. But knowing what not to say is just as important. Let’s break down the phrases to ditch, the ones that work, and how you can actually make a difference when someone’s losing hope.

• Why Our Words Matter More Than We Think
• Common Phrases That Do More Harm Than Good
• Finding the Right Words: Tips That Stick
• Sharing Motivational Quotes That Actually Help
• Practical Ways to Offer Real Support
• What Not to Say—and Why

Why Our Words Matter More Than We Think

Think back to a day when someone dropped a careless comment and it stayed with you for hours—or even years. Words stick, sometimes more than we’d like. Turns out, when people are close to giving up, what you say has even more impact. Our brains are actually wired to notice and remember strong emotional experiences—especially during tough times. Studies from the American Psychological Association show that negative words can boost stress, while supportive ones cut it down.

It’s not just about making someone feel better in the moment. Research from Stanford proves that people who feel supported in a tough spot are way more likely to keep trying. If they hear encouragement and real support, it can literally shift their motivation. One experiment found people given genuine, caring feedback bounced back from setbacks way faster than those who only got generic advice.

Here’s a quick look at what happens when support is or isn’t there:

So, when you use honest motivation and skip the clichés, you’re doing more than just talking. You can actually fuel their comeback. Next time someone’s struggling, know your encouragement isn’t just noise—it can tip the scales for someone who’s ready to quit.

Common Phrases That Do More Harm Than Good

It’s easy to think you’re being supportive by repeating popular motivational quotes or catchphrases. But research from clinical psychologists shows these canned responses can actually make someone feel worse. Why? Because when someone’s about to give up, they hear these lines as “you don’t get what I’m going through.”

Here are some phrases that usually backfire:

• “Everything happens for a reason.” Sure, some people believe this, but in the middle of a crisis, it feels dismissive. It’s like you’re saying their pain doesn’t matter.
• “Other people have it worse.” Comparing pain never helps. It shuts people down and makes them feel guilty on top of already feeling bad.
• “Just think positive.” When someone’s in a dark place, this feels fake. If positive thinking cured all problems, nobody would need support at all.
• “You’re stronger than this.” Sometimes, they don’t feel strong. This line can feel like pressure to “perform” strength when they actually need permission to fall apart.
• “Don’t give up!” It sounds motivational, but it’s vague and can leave a person feeling misunderstood, ignored, or even more helpless.

In a 2023 survey by Mind Share Partners, 67% of respondents said that dismissive responses from friends or family made them less likely to share their struggles again. That’s huge. It means one wrong word can shut the door instead of opening it.

You want your support and encouragement to land right. Instead of digging up generic sayings, focus on listening first. When in doubt, just ask how you can help rather than tossing out a cliche.

Finding the Right Words: Tips That Stick

It’s easy to toss out generic advice, but when someone’s close to giving up, words need to stick—they need to be real. Regular encouragement is better when it’s specific. Instead of a vague, “It’ll get better,” say, “Remember that time you pushed through finals even when you wanted to quit? You did it then, and that strength is still there.” Calling back a past win works because our brains naturally pay more attention to personal memories than empty encouragement. It’s actually called self-referential thinking, and research from Stanford shows it helps people latch onto hope.

Sometimes, repeating simple but powerful phrases does more than you’d think. For example, “You’re not a burden to me,” or, “I may not have all the answers, but I’m here with you.” It’s a relief for the person to know you’re not there to fix everything, just to stand beside them. Real support often sounds like, “It’s okay that you feel this way right now.” Validation goes a long way—it tells them it’s fine to hurt, and they’re not broken for feeling that way.

Here are some tips for finding words that help when someone is giving up:

• Listen first, talk later. People shut down when they feel unheard. Give them space to vent or cry before you say anything.
• Avoid silver linings unless they ask for it. Phrases like “everything happens for a reason” often make someone feel dismissed, not comforted.
• Share stories, not just quotes. “I remember when I felt overwhelmed and thought I couldn’t go on—here’s what helped me.” Real-life examples beat abstract motivational talks every time.
• Stick to facts or shared experiences. “You’ve made it through tough stuff before. You have proof you can handle hard times.” Naming the facts gets through better than advice.
• Offer help, but let them choose. “Is there anything I can do right now—something small?” Respect their choice if they just want to talk and not fix things.

If you want to be really practical, here’s what supportive conversations sound like versus what usually happens:

The bottom line: real encouragement and support land best when they sound human, honest, and focused on the person—not on you trying to solve their life.

Sharing Motivational Quotes That Actually Help

Using motivational quotes when someone’s struggling can be a hit or miss. A lot depends on the timing and the tone. Throwing out a random quote can feel like you’re brushing off their feelings. But the right quote at the right moment can make a real impact. Studies from the University of Pennsylvania found that people who hear motivational lines from someone they trust feel a boost in hope and mood, especially if the line fits their situation.

Pick quotes that are straightforward and honest—not cheesy. No one wants to hear “When one door closes, another opens” right after losing a job or getting tough news. Instead, look for something that acknowledges how tough things are, while gently nudging them forward.

• “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” — Martin Luther King Jr. It's real because it doesn’t pretend everything’s fine. It just says, move one foot at a time.
• “Fall seven times, stand up eight.” — Japanese Proverb. This one works because it’s about hanging in there—not about never falling.
• “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” — Mary Anne Radmacher. Use this if the person is beating themselves up for feeling tired or weak.

If you’re unsure what quote to share, ask them what’s helped them before. People often have a favorite line from a movie, book, or song that hits home a lot more than a classic inspirational quote.

Never force a quote or blurt it out just to fill the silence. Listen first, then offer something if it feels right. Sometimes, sharing a motivational quote is less about the words and more about showing you’ve been thinking of them.

Practical Ways to Offer Real Support

If you're looking for ways to really help someone ready to give up, forget just tossing out a motivational quote. Actions and small gestures speak way louder. Research from the University of Oxford shows that people who feel real, practical support are less likely to stay stuck in hopelessness. Here’s what that looks like in action:

• Just Listen: No advice, just your full attention. Put your phone away and let them talk. Nodding, keeping eye contact, and saying things like “That sounds rough” shows you care more than giving a solution.
• Offer Your Time: Sometimes the best way to support is showing up. Invite them for a walk, sit together, or even run errands with them. It tells them they matter.
• Be Specific With Help: Don’t just say “Let me know if you need anything.” Instead, offer something direct: “Want me to bring you dinner Friday?” or “Can I help you with your resume this weekend?”
• Remind Them of Past Wins: Not with fake hype, but by pointing to something true. “Hey, you remember when you got through that tough semester last year? You figured it out then. That was huge.”
• Encourage Professional Help: If things feel way over your head, gently mention options like therapy or counseling. You can say, “I’m not sure what to say, but talking to someone trained could really help.”

People are wired for connection. A 2023 peer-reviewed study found that those who received daily check-ins from a friend or family member bounced back from tough times 40% faster than those who felt isolated. Tiny acts like texting a simple “thinking of you” or checking how they're doing help more than most folks realize. Here’s a quick look at what matters most, according to actual surveys:

Bottom line? It’s the small, honest stuff that gets people through—your steady presence, not your perfect words.

What Not to Say—and Why

It’s easy to fall back on cliches when someone’s struggling. The problem? Phrases that sound supportive often miss the mark or even make people feel worse. If you want to offer real support, it’s better to know what words to dodge and why they trip people up.

• "Just think positive!" — This shuts down real feelings. When someone is low, positive thinking feels fake and can make them feel like their pain isn’t valid.
• "Others have it worse." — Comparing struggles never helps. Research published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that minimizing someone’s pain made them less likely to open up again.
• "You’ll get over it." — This takes away from what the person is feeling right now. It sounds dismissive instead of supportive or motivating.
• "Toughen up." — According to mental health experts at the American Psychological Association, being told to "toughen up" increases feelings of isolation and failure—not exactly helpful when someone’s already on edge.
• "Everything happens for a reason." — For a lot of people, this feels like a quick way to brush off what they’re going through. It ignores the struggle and skips real empathy.

Sometimes we use these lines because silence is awkward or we feel helpless. But here’s the truth: letting someone talk and just sitting with them is a lot more powerful than filling the air with empty motivation.

If you can avoid these landmines, your support becomes a lot more real. Focus on being a good listener before jumping in with advice or motivational quotes. Sometimes, just saying "That sounds really tough" is enough to let the other person breathe a bit easier.